This is a spoiler for Paradise Found. If you don’t want to know about this ep go no further.
I’m changing my title to the Queen of Maintext.(G) TPTB were right. Subtext has passed. These two women are a couple! We might not have seen that love scene or first kiss but I know that they are a couple now – absolutely; no doubt about it. With that . . .on with the ep.
We open the scene with the basic subtext shot – Gabby’s clothes scattered throughout a cave with Xena and Gabby talking about being in India because Gabby wanted to come there. Seems Xena got hurt fighting off some bad guys and needs stitches in her thigh. Gabby goes to work on it but after the discussion goes to Xena’s dark side and about how she ‘enjoyed’ beating those guys up, Xena takes the thread and needle away from Gabby saying the bard’s got hands like a sailor. (LOL) No lie. I didn’t make that up. What does it means? I have no idea . . . but it sounds as funny as hell. (VBG)
Anyway, Gabby starts saying that they should look inward to themselves for change as she dresses. Xena gets that misty, deer in the headlights look – that vision is causing problems again. Gabby snaps Xena outta it and says that they will shape their own destiny.
They hear a noise and Gabby goes to check it out since Xena is laid up (G) (I’m talking about her wound people. Get your mind outta the gutter(LOL)). Xena calls for Gabby. Gabby doesn’t answer. Xena goes in search for Gabby. Xena finds a big hole. Xena yells for Gabby. Gabby doesn’t answer. Xena jumps in hole. It’s a big, deep hole. It’s a very, very big, deep hole.
They wake up in this lush, tropical surrounding. Xena asks Gabby ‘What is it with you and holes?’ (Feel free to insert your own subtext joke here (LOL)). Xena’s leg is magically healed. They wonder if they are in Illusia again or if they have died. They run into a man I’ll call ‘weasel guy’ throughout. Weasel guy tells them to go see Aden the guy that ‘owns everything there except (him)’. Xena and Gab go check things out. Aden meets them and talks about inner peace. Xena wants to grab the next horse outta town but Aden offers them food, clothing and lodging for the night. Gabby asks if he could throw in a bath and he’s more than willing. I think Gabby swats Xena on the butt at this point but I’m not sure. (G) I could be wrong. Whatever she did touch gets a reaction out of Xena in any case. It’s not often Xena gets wide eyed. (VBG)
Now they are in the bath. Gabby emerges from the water and says this is bliss. She takes skeptical Xena by the hand and leads her into the water. Once she gets her in she starts to rub Xena’s shoulder and they discuss Aden. Xena still doesn’t trust him but she’ll give him a second chance. At that point they see someone outside. Xena gets out of the water, naked as a jaybird. Weasel falls on the floor in front of her with clothes for Gabby to wear. He calls Xena ‘sir’ and Xena turns around and looks at Gabby and says ‘Sir?’. Gabby looks Xena’s body over with a smirk – no, she’s definitely not a ‘sir’(VBG).
Gabby and Aden are doing exercises and ‘breathing’. Aden tells Gabby if she taps into her inner-self she can make anything she wants – he shows her by making a flower appear in his hand. She wants to learn how to make the world the ways she wants and to teach Xena how to do it too.
Xena, who’s doing exercises of her own, starts to wig out – fighting imaginary foes. She doesn’t look like she’s finding the peace that Gabby is finding. She sets off and finds the bard with Aden. Gabby starts to cry about Hope. Aden comforts her and Xena looks like she wants to do something too but she can’t so she walks away instead.
Gabby is now lying on a yin and yang bed (resting on the white side of course (G)) while Xena is doing sit ups next to her. Xena is ranting about how she hates being at Aden’s wonderland and Gabby talks about how she hasn’t been this peaceful since before Hope was born. Gabby wants to stay and says it’s because she likes Aden and the way she’s feeling. Xena gets possessive and says ‘Oh I get it - you ‘like’ him’. Gabby assures her that’s not the case. She only wants to face her demons so she can move on. Xena reluctantly agrees to stay another day. For Gabby. (Boy is Xena ‘kitty’ whipped big time(LOL).
While Gab sleeps, Xena watches her leg wound reappear and disappear again. She knows something is up but she can’t put her finger on it. Next day, Gab is talking with Aden about Xena. She’s worried about Xena’s dark side. Aden tells her Xena may go through changes in appearance, delusions and bleeding but she can defeat her darkness if she tries.
Gabby goes to Xena and finds her in the tub again. Gabrielle tells Xena she’s worried about her and wants to know what she can do for Xena. The warrior, take Gabrielle’s hand that’s on her shoulder and brings it to her face. She nuzzles Gabby’s hand and says, ‘You know what I want? You know what I want?’. The she proceeds to break Gabby’s hand as Gabby screams. But it’s just an illusion. Gabby still has her hand on Xena’s shoulder. Xena tells her she’s fine and Gabby goes away telling her she knows where she can find her.
Xena then goes to Aden to find out what is going on. He tells her that the ‘real her’ is coming out. He tells her it will only get worse and her delusions will be come reality. Xena doesn’t believe she could hurt Gabrielle but even as she argues she has the vision of bitch slapping Gabby (guess Xena doesn’t remember TBS either. Anyway...). Aden tells Xena she should leave for the good of herself and Gabrielle.
We see Xena writing a ‘Dear Jane’ letter when her nose starts to bleed on the parchment. Gabby comes in and Xena hides the paper. Gabby is hunched over and says she hurt her back during one of the exercises. Xena says she can fix her so Gabby lays down while Xena undresses her and rubs out the kink. She continues down her arms (Hey Gabby didn’t complain about her arms!) and to her hands (Hey Gabby didn’t complain about her hands!). She works her way down Gabby’s back again; over her butt (Hey Gabby didn’t complain about her butt!) and down her legs (Hey Gabby didn’t complain about her legs!). In other words, not a part of Gabby was left untouched (too bad she was lying on her stomach (LOL)). We might have had some ‘really’ maintext there if Xena was working on Gabby’s front (LOL). And for those of you who think this isn’t maintext already – how many of you give your best friends butt a rub down (LOL). Thought so(G). . . But there just friends ~in a sickening sing-song voice~. Yeah right and I got some ocean front property in Florida you’ll just love to see.(LOL). People in denial make me sick.(VBG)
So while Gabby is getting her rub down, Xena’s nose is continuing to bleed and she’s telling Gabby how wonderful she is and how no one should ever hurt her again. She starts to have delusions again but forces them away. Soon she finishes. Gabby’s relaxed enough to fall asleep (which proves the point this must not be the ‘first time’ Xena’s done this) and Xena whispers good bye.
Xena hunts down weasel guy and finds out that Aden’s statues that decorate much of his land are actually people. He sucked the goodness out of them to give him his power. Xena knows Gabby is in danger (again ~sigh~) and has a plan to save her using the weasel guy. Xena really starts to go over the edge at this point. She kills little cute fuzzy animals and everything! She grows buck teeth and has another bad hair day (but no lice this time(G)). She looks kinda like a demented female Jerry Lewis (LOL).
Anyway, she goes to see Aden and ‘take him on’ to get her Gabby back. Aden throws her around mental like an evil LaMao. Gabby is starting to turn blue like his other statues. Nothing seems to be working in beating Aden. Xena screams in Gabby’s face but she doesn’t even blink. Good job on ROC’s part here – she didn’t even move (G). Weasel guy shows up and Xena kicks her sword up and picks the weasel up to throw him on the sword – just for kicks I’m assuming. This gets through to Gabby and she yells for Xena to stop. Xena does what Gabby asks and kicks the sword to the side, burying into Aden chest. Everything melts/dissolves and Xena, Gabby and weasel guy are back in the cave. Aden’s world is destroyed and everything in it disappears - including Gabby’s clothes she was wearing. She hides behind Xena who backs up as she talks to weasel guy until Gabby can get something to cover herself with. Xena said she knew Gabrielle was still ‘in there’ and when she threatened an innocent life (weasel guy) it would break Aden’s spell. They wish weasel guy well and he goes off to find his family that was left behind since being stuck in Aden’s kingdom. Gabby said that Xena’s dark side isn’t as bad as she’d been thinking – it actually does serve a purpose in their life on the road. Gabby then turns to Xena and asks if she really thinks she has hands like a sailor. Xena just smirks and they fade to black.
I really liked this one. Not just the subtext but the fact that Gabby found someway to deal with her feelings about Hope. Sure it almost got her killed (VBG) but sometimes getting to the truth in one’s heart can be pretty frightening and dangerous – maybe that’s why it had appeal. Maybe it’s because I never thought Xena’s dark side was all that bad and Gabby (and Xena in a way) came to terms with that. But then again maybe I just like watching Xena rub Gabby’s ass (LOL). In any case, I believe, it was a good ep.
Disclaimers: Paradise was found but not necessarily embraced during the production of this motion picture.
Next week: Gabby gets turned into ‘healer of the world’ but Xena wants her Gabby back. I’m not sure how it happens but Gabby kicks a little warrior princess butt. And without a staff! Looks like the Indian Gods really take a shine to Gabby but then again, who wouldn’t (VBG).
Queen of Maintext