Sorry the report is late today folks but I needed about three cold showers before I could focus on my monitor(VBG). I wondered how I could start this report but I think I’ll use a quote from my hubby – "Guess Tapert doesn’t worry about those 2-11 year olds anymore huh?" (LOL)
For those of you that are upset that Gabby doesn’t ‘get any’ you’ll enjoy this ep. For those of you who enjoy those longing looks between bard and warrior you’ll enjoy this ep. For those of you who like to see Xena playing up to a pretty boy stud you’ll like this ep. Those folks that want to know that Gabs is still the driving ‘light’ in Xena’s life will like this ep. Even folks who want to see Virgil ‘gay’ will like this ep since Xena not only ‘saved the world’ she stopped him from making the ‘worst mistake of his life’ (VBG). But then again perhaps he just heard all those red shirt stories from his dad. (LOL)
Okay enough of the intro….on to our tale.
The story opens with a rehash of last week for all those folks that missed it – you know the folks like HP and Nah-ah who don’t actually WATCH the show yet continue to be critics. If you ask me that’s like Roger Ebert giving a movie a thumbs down when all he saw was the marquee but anyway….
Angels Michael and Raphel (no not the Ninja Turtle) are watching earth. Seems they are a bit scared with Xena as the ruler of hell. She almost took over heaven the last time as just a demon. But since Xena did the deed of offing the King of Hell she has to take his place. A pretty boy angel shows up and says he can do it. He’ll cast Xena into the pit. And with a flap of his wings he sets off to earth.
We see Eve and Gabby standing over the burning pit and Evie, the newly reformed good girl that she is, thinks that strange things are afoot at the Circle K (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure fans will get that joke(G)). Gabby, the newly reformed cynic of X:WP, says it’s probably because Eve’s standing so close to the pit of Hell. She should just move away and then she’ll feel better. Eve says nope something really bad is gonna happen. (She must get her gift of prophecy from Gabby’s side which convinces me even more that this is Gabby’s kid too. (G)). Before Eve can elaborate pretty boy shows up and says Xena’s gotta date with the firepit and Gabby and Eve run off to warn Xena.
A young woman is touching Xena’s horse. NO ONE touches Xena’s horse and she shoves the young woman away. The young woman says she meant no harm. In fact she wants to reopen Cyrene’s tavern as a way of saying thanks for saving Amphipolis. Xena has a ho hum whatever attitude. Gabby and Eve arrive on the scene and tell Xena they got trouble. Another ho-hum do I HAVE to save the world AGAIN? response. Yes Xena. Yes you do. It’s ALL up to you. Always. (VBG)
Pretty boy shows up and says he’s gonna take Xena down. He’s not just an angel but an ‘arch’ angel – the best of the best. At this point you can see Xena’s wheels starting to turn. She makes a comment about him being full of pride. The angel tells Xena that she’s twisting his words. Xena says no that she’s straightening them out. (Check out MaryD’s spoiler page that has the transcript – seems the ebay script someone bought is very close to this one). They fight. Xena gets knocked down. Gabby charges and the angel warns her with a light bolt to stay out of it. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He’s just trying to get Xena where she belongs. Xena however gets the upper hand and pins him with her sword drawn above her. She asks his name and he says Lucifer. She says that’s good and she’ll see that Gabby records it for people to know years from now. She goes to stab him and Eve yells no. He’s a servant of God. Xena asks if he was serving God by trying to kill her and send her to hell. Gabby yells NO and Lucifer says yes.
Xena pulls Lucifer to his feet and asks if he minds if she calls him Lucy while they sort things out(LOL). He doesn’t and they all go into Cyrene’s tavern. Gabby Xena and Eve are sitting on a bench while Xena’s doing something with her shoe it seems ( I don’t remember. Point is….) They discuss the situation. Gabby asks what Xena is going to do. Xena says she’s gonna give Lucifer the throne. Eve says it’s wrong to corrupt another (Arghhh…someone shoot this girl with a crossbow would ya. She’s TOO goody, goody now. Like that damn Callisto angel. Too much light and sunbeams for my taste). Xena says she’s not corrupting him. The man is rotten underneath and she’s just going to peel away the shell. She walks back over and he compliments her on the place sarcastically. She says that’s the last time she lets an evil demon redecorate but the more you drink the better it looks. She grabs a basket and tells him to come on. As they go find a grassy place to get acquainted, Gabby and Eve are on the steps of the tavern. Eve is preaching Eli’s gospel (Look out Jerry 'Fraudwell' (VBG)) when the people listening start to argue. Gabby doesn’t understand what’s going on but Eve does. It’s that pesky blackness she saw in her mother’s heart gripping them. Suddenly a woman who says a man is looking for them approaches them. Back in the wilderness Xena is getting Lucy to enjoy the earthly delights of food and such. She tells him that ‘he doesn’t know what it’s like to sample human flesh in every form’ and asks that if heaven is so great then why is he denied food, sex, etc. He doesn’t seem to have an answer but he is intrigued to stay on earth to learn more.
They go out to the square where they see a group of people cheering on a man getting beaten. Gabby sees that it’s Virgil and runs over to help. When she rolls the man over she sees that it’s not Virgil. Virgil does come walking up telling Gabby that she looks even tastier than he remembers. Gabby brushes it off and asks for Virgil’s help as she tries to lift the injured man. He says sure and then when his high enough kicks him back into the crowd. He starts to go after the man but Gabby puts her hands on his chest stopping him. He tries to stroke her face but she turns away and asks what’s wrong. He doesn’t see a problem. Eve comes up and says that darkness is consuming his soul like all the people of the village. They realize that if Xena won’t go to Hell then Hell is coming to earth with the blackening of men’s (and women’s(G)) hearts. The pit is like a magnet drawing more and more people.
Back at the inn Xena is getting changed off camera while Lucy talks to her, hiding a dagger under the bed pillow. Xena says they have a lot in common. Lucy says "Sure. You’re a mortal female with a lying tongue, savage tendencies and a blonde girlfriend. I’m a celibate archangel in service to the lord." Yes but they’re both sinners Xena points out and she sees them as being able to rule both hell and earth. Lucy suggests she first send him to heaven. Xena agrees and throws him to the bed where she proceeds to give him an Egyptian message.
Gabby, Eve and Virgil all get together. Gabby asks why Virgil is there and he said that rumor says since she’s killed the gods she’s about to get all the power. He wants to pledge his service to Xena on one condition. He wants Gabby at his side. He strokes her under the chin but this time she doesn’t move away. Eve takes it in and she’s not feeling real positive.
Back at the bed of Xena during the rubdown Lucy and Xena go for the dagger he stored. Xena tells him to lose the dagger if they are going to be together. She says she knows he really doesn’t want to send her to hell – not yet. He says she doesn’t know him as well as she thinks. But Xena offers him EVERYTHING. Everything is a big word he tells her. But everything is what she says she’ll give him. Xena’s got him on the ropes and he decides to get some air and leaves.
Next we see Eve praying at the temple for Eli’s help. Lucy is there and berates Eve for praying for assistance. Eve suggests that Lucy is falling into the trap too. Just then a party makes its way to the temple and they carry Xena into the temple on a throne. Xena’s got her black leather number on and Gabby’s got the Fredrick of Hollywood collection thing going on. Eve tells Xena that she won’t stand for this desecration of the temple But Xena says it’s not a desecration it’s farewell bash for Lucy. Lucy is flattered but the only celebration he will celebrate is banishing Xena to hell. Gabby goes up to Eve and tells her she should listen to Xena because she knows what she’s doing. Eve doesn’t buy it and when she starts to argue Gabby wacks her on the back of the head, knocking her out. No one likes a party pooer, Gabby says getting a hoot of support from Xena and a smile from Lucy.
The party goes on and everyone is getting into the…ahem…friendly. Gabby is lying down with Virgil drinking wine. She says she’s had enough. He says perhaps but it will help them bridge the gap more quickly from when they last saw each other. Gabby says you mean it will make me drunk and loose. He replies No one understands my words better than you. And with that they start to make out (LOL).
Lucy and Xena are standing there. Lucy says ‘Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves’ and Xena replies, ‘Almost as much as you enjoy watching them’. She adds that down here people have free will and choice. Lucy can either rule the world with her or spend eternity in heaven taking orders. She hands him her goblet and gets up saying it’s your choice. He watches her walk to the dance floor and the tide of people part as she walks up. Gabby stops necking like most of the folks and watches Xena.
Xena waves her arm out and motions Gabrielle toward her. Gabby reaches out to her and gets up leaving Virgil in ‘midkiss’. She walks up to the dance floor as Lucy and the group looks on. Gabrielle runs her arm up Xena’s until they come hip to hip. Xena strokes Gabrielle cheek and neck while Gabby runs her fingers through Xena’s hair pushing it back over her shoulder. Gabby’s fingers then jump to the other side of Xena’s neck as Xena’s head falls back as Gabrielle strokes her. Lucy is still watching with a great deal of interest as Xena raises her hands in the air while Gabrielle strokes down the sides of Xena’s body. Virgil had about all he can take (LOL) and starts on his way over. Xena and Gabrielle circle each other with their hands on back of each others head. (I have to tell you folks these women have chemistry. As some of you may know I was always a huge Cagney and Lacey fan. Gless and Daly had a great spark with each other but I have to admit that they never ‘burned’ like this. LL and ROC have great chemistry too but there’s a sexual chemistry there that I haven’t anywhere else between two women. I think ROC said that she can’t do ‘sexy’ things on camera with people that she isn’t comfortable with. After this scene it is OBVIOUS that she and LL have a wonderful working relationship. And to all those folks that say that ROC could never do a kissing scene with LL I’d have to say you are either sadly mistaken or a flat out liar. Okay, my rant is finished. (VBG) Back to the story(VBG)).
As Virgil arrives both women stroke his face and Lucy looks ready…ahem…burst(LOL). Gabby leads Virgil away and the two of them start to dance. Xena looks to Lucy and does her little ‘strip tease’ while Gabby and Virgil trip the light fantastic behind her. Lucy has all he can take and pulls Xena to him. They end up next to Gabby and Virgil on the furs. (Score one for ole Vir – he got farther than his old man ever did (LOL)) Xena tells Lucy what he feels is lust. And he wants to spend an eternity devouring her. She wants to know if she’s going to get another unexpected dagger. He says no and pledges his body and soul to her.
Bad move. Michael and turtle guy shows up and tells him that his soul belongs to his god and is not something to give away. Two more angels appear and the crowd scatters except for Lucy, Xena, Gabby and Virgil. Xena battles the ‘reinforcements’. Gabby charges Michael but he hits her with a light bolt knocking her back. Virgil gets trades blows with Raphel but gets kicked back to where Gabby fell. Xena then battles Michael and Raphel and their swords all cross. They suck Xena outside to the hole but can’t manage to knock her in. Lucy starts to join the angels in the battle. Michael said now is Lucy’s time of redemption. Xena manages to talk him out of it and turns on Michael and Raphel. Realizing they can’t win at this time Michael and Raphel disappear. Xena turns to Lucy and said I told you we’d make one hell of a team. They start to kiss when Xena gets whipped in the head by the black coat she was wearing earlier. She looks up as if she knows who hit her (LOL) and says ‘Yes’. Gabby is standing there but doesn’t say anything. Xena picks up her coat and walks inside with Gabrielle trailing behind her. They have this exchange inside:
X: I was kinda in the middle of something Gabrielle.
G: Xena you were supposed to throw him in the portal.
X: Yeah well he’s not ready
G: Xena no one is ready to go to hell. That’s the POINT
X: Really? You and Virgil were looking ready to burn not that long ago!
G: Yeah . . . so. . .?
X: Evil…the darkside…it’s intoxicating isn’t it?
G: Oh yeah…intoxicating.
They start to talk about the partnership between Xena and Lucy. Gabby isn’t too keen on this new ‘partnership’ but has Lucy points out as he and Virgil appear, Xena will need some help besides a mere mortal to run it. Virgil says ‘who you callin’ mere?’ (LOL) Lucy waves his hand as if to say no offense (ROTFL)
Next Eve comes in from her ‘nap’ and tells Xena that she has to save her. Xena tells her that Eve may have the gift of sight but she has a vision. Trust her. Eve goes to put the ‘touch’ on her mom and gets blown back about 10 feet for her trouble. Xena turns to Gabby and says where did I go wrong(LOL) as Gabby chuckles. Xena walks back to her room. Lucy has love on his mind but Xena has a headache…named Eve. She’s gonna send a message to Eli’s god by killing his messenger.
Next we see Eve running toward a temple with Xena and Lucy in pursuit. Momma just want’s to clear things up but Eve knows better (LOL). Lucy tells Xena he loves the way she baits a trap. She kisses him and says you ain’t seen nothing yet. Once inside the temple Eve sees the swords of the angels. She’s decided she can’t let hell on earth rule and she has to kill her mother. Virgil comes in first. Eve asks what he’s doing there. He said just chating with Eli about why he chose his father’s murderer as his messenger. What did he say, Eve asks. He said prayer won’t help you now, Virgil replies. She sidesteps Virgil, only to be met with Gabby. Gabby said she can’t let Eve give up her values and harm Xena. Eve says the only thing left of her mom is their memories of her. She asks Gabby to help. Gabby looks reluctant but agrees. Eve relaxes and Gabby screams ‘I got her!!’ Xena walks in and says ‘Nice run Eve. You made your mom proud.’ Virgil tells Xena that Eve is going after the sword to do her in. Xena says ‘My little pacifist. How hypocritical of you? Have you learned nothing with me?’
Eve says I’ve learned this’ as she knocks Vir and Gab away doing a flip to get the swords. Lucy steps up and goes toe to toe with Eve. He wins and knocks her down. He’s ready to strike the deathblow up Xena stops him. She wants Gabby to do it.
X: IF anyone deserves this historic opportunity it’s Gabrielle. (Gabby looks happy in the background)
X: She’s been my partner for years. She’s shared things with me you could never understand.
L: What about OUR partnership (turning the sword on Xena)
X: Can’t expect me to trust someone so quick to switch sides. And who, without even realizing it has committed every deadly sin but one…
L: You tricked me!
X: You tried to kill me. What did you expect?
L: I will spend eternity making sure you feel my WRATH!
X: Wrath? Congratulations Lucifer. You just one the deadly sin lottery with a perfect 7 out of 7. You’re prize is a one way ticket to hell.
Lucifer then starts to transform. The floor opens up as they battle. He’s stronger now but as Xena points out he’s a lot more ugly. Lucy asks Xena what she’s done to him. Xena says something she suspected Michael wanted all along – to put him in touch with his true inner-self.
Lucifer grabs Xena by the neck and said that she’s his. She informs him ‘the hell she is’(LOL – Of course not, she belongs to Gabby (VBG) I love Gabby. Have I mentioned that? (VBG) ). With that she kicks him into the hole sending him to reign over hell. The floor closes up and everyone goes back to ‘normal’. Eve says Mother your back and as Xena points out part of her never left. Virgil comes up with Gabby. Gabby said you did more than saved lives and Virgil smiles to Gabby and says you saved me from making the mistake of a lifetime (LOL). He says I better go clean that mess up. Eve says she’ll help.
Xena and Gabby have this exchange.
G: I thought I lost you for a minute there.
X: Oh yeah? Which minute was that?
G: You and Lucifer were looking….(rolling her hands around)….a little . . .
X: Gabrielle every time I felt myself start to lose control I just thought of you. It brought me back home
G: Don’t go getting all emotional on me Xena
Fade to black. (BTW, did I say I really liked this ep? If not yes I did (G).)
Next: I want vengeance, Gabby screams as Xena jumps at the sound of her voice. Xena tells her ‘Gabrielle you are not an assassin’ but by the dagger Gabby’s holding I’d have to argue the contrary. Looks like the gals are on their way to save Gab’s family or at least what’s left of it, next week.