ACCEPTANCE

Ahhh . . .is will do nicely.

Gabrielle picked up the last log she found and examined it after a brief toss in her hand. Quietly she made her way back to the fire pit where her bedroll lay for the evening. She carefully stacked the wood in a triangle shape with plenty of kindling below. Normally she would just go to sleep but this evening was chilly as a result of being so close to the water. She needed the warmth if she was going to get any rest.

With a few clicks of the flint the tiny twigs caught the spark and within moments a fire was blazing. The feeling that she was being watched suddenly draped over her like a wet blanket and she looked over her shoulder unsure and nervous of what she might find.

"You’re pretty good at that," her visitor said pointing to the fire.

Yeah, now. There was a time when I wasn’t, Gabrielle thought as she turned around. "Well the first night I took off after Xena I ended up in her camp because I couldn’t start a fire to save my life." She chuckled, remembering how helpless she felt back then. She was going to be the great adventurer yet she couldn’t make twigs smoke. It took all the courage I had to walk into her camp that night. The next night she showed me just what to do in case I ever got lost or separated from her . . . Separated. . . The smile, formed from the remembrance of how young she was back then, slipped from her face as a feeling of melancholy took hold of her. "So what brings you out here Aphrodite?" the bard asked, hoping to clear her mind of the painful thoughts.

"Just checking up on you I guess," Dite answered. When neither woman said more Dite continued, "She’s taught you a lot I know. It’s hard to let that go," Dite sympathized. Gabrielle’s eyebrows scrunched in examination of the goddess. How could she possibly know what I-."Because little one, when it comes to love I can see right into any mortal," Dite answered the unspoken question.

"I thought all the goddess of love cared about was her temples and her ‘evening’ wear," the bard grinned.

"Superficial airhead huh?" Dite remarked. "Guess that’s why I’m still around and half of Olympus’ most powerful are gone right?"

Gabrielle chuckled, "Very true. Wanna have a seat?" the bard offered patting her bedroll. Dite took the invitation and without physically moving appeared beside the bard. Gabrielle grinned and shook her head. "You only had to move 5 strides. Was it really necessary to ‘poof’ beside me?" she teased.

"What good are powers if you don’t use ‘em?" Dite countered. Gabrielle continued to grin and poked a stick in the fire for distraction until Dite continued. "Speaking of power . . . I tried to sway Athena from using the furies on you but I had little control over it. I didn’t-."

"Aphrodite," Gabrielle interrupted. "that’s not your fault. If you hadn’t stepped in when you did things would have been much worse. I’m just glad that Xena didn’t overreact and harm you." Gabrielle rolled her eyes in disgust with the thought of the warrior.

Dite smiled, "That’s kind of you to say. But I know that Xena wouldn’t harm me if I approached to offer help. Besides I didn’t need to fight her. I had nothing to lose so why battle her. The mortal world only needs two true gods. Only two factors play such a role in humanity - death and love. People don’t need wisdom to survive. They don’t need ‘hobbies’. They certainly don’t need war . . . But love . . . humans will always need love. And humans will always need death."

"I never knew you could be so philosophical," Gabby replied slack-jawed.

"There’s a lot you don’t know about me Gabrielle. Not many mortals do. I show them what I want them to see and the rest well . . . I kinda keep it under wraps," the goddess winked. "But I don’t think my immortality is weighing on your mind tonight. And I thought perhaps I could share some insight with you - like things you didn’t know or might not have realized. . . But that’s only if you want to. If not I’ll just ‘poof’, as you say, outta here," she added snapping her fingers.

"No need to ‘poof’," Gabrielle smirked. "I’m just not sure where to start I guess."

"Well let’s see," Dite said looking up to the star filled sky in thought. "Would you like to know when Xena was first attracted to you?" Dite wiggled on the bedroll, beginning to get into this little ‘game’. "This could be fun," she squealed. "Wanna play?"

"Play what? Guess the warrior’s heart?" Gabrielle retorted.

"Sure," Dite said enthusiastically.

Do I really want to do this? . . . Oh what the hell . . . "Okay, what do I do?" Gabrielle sighed.

"Okay," Dite began before planning things in her mind. "We could do a ‘truth or dare’ kinda game or I could ask you a personal question and give you the right answer."

"I’m confused," Gabrielle answered, playing with her earlobe as she considered what Dite had in mind. "What do you mean by the right answer?"

"Well, let’s just start and you’ll see. Okay? Now . . .When did Xena first realize she was attracted to you?" the goddess asked.

When did Xena first realize she was attracted to me? Hmmm . . . "After I got kidnapped by Baccus."

"Naaaahhhhh, wrong answer sweet cheeks. Would you like to try again?" Dite grinned. This could actually be fun, Gabrielle considered with a growing smile. "Of course it’s fun," Dite said, reading Gabrielle’s mind. "It’s my game. . . Now would you like a second guess or not?"

"No. Tell me. When did Xena realize she was attracted to me?"

"The first day she saw you."

"Get outta here!"

Both women erupted into a fit of the giggles like two gals at a sleep over. "It’s true!" Dite said soundly, confident in her answer.

"With the peasant dress and the barrettes?"

"Oh yeah," Dite smirked. "In fact she was so distracted that Draco’s scrub solider managed to knock her down during the fight."

"You were there?" Gabrielle asked in amazement. Aphrodite simply nodded. "Why? Wait! You didn’t put a spell on me to follow her did you?"

"Goodness no! You did that all on your own darlin’ . . . I was there because the big guy asked me to keep an eye on Xena for a little while to make sure she’d be okay. And it’s hard for me to say no to Herc," she grinned.

"Well I’ll be," Gabrielle stared at the fire mesmerized by this piece of news.

"Okay, next question," Dite said bringing back Gabrielle’s attention.

"Can I ask this time?" Gabrielle questioned excitedly. Dite grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "What did Xena think after our first time . . . you know. . . together?"

Dite cocked her head as she thought about the question. "Fear," she answered after a few moments of consideration.

"She was afraid of me?" Gabrielle answered. Why in the world was she afraid of me? Didn’t she trust me? I gave her everything that night - all that I had.

"Exactly," Dite answered. "and that’s what scarred her. She wasn’t sure if she could measure up. She wasn’t sure that she could be everything you needed. That worried her because she didn’t want to lose you."

"Then what changed?" Gabrielle asked as a sob threatened to spill forth. Playtime was official over now and Dite took a deep breath to steady herself for it. "How did she get so far from what she wanted that night? Why did she just let me go?" Gabrielle added.

"Now I’m going to say something and I need you to understand it. You’ve got a temper on you bard and I don’t want you reaching for the sais . . . okay?" The goddess paused to see if Gabrielle would agree. Once she got the nod of acceptance she continued. "Xena isn’t the only one who’s done damage to this relationship Gabrielle. You’ve done your share too. And when trust is betrayed it is soooo hard to get that back."

"I know I did wrong by betraying Xena in Chin. I know that now. Hell I knew that then and I made every effort to show her that she could have faith in me."

"Like joining Najara’s cult to start a hospise . . . Like deciding that people who waged war weren’t worthy and that peace and light are ‘the way’."

"I never said that," Gabrielle countered. "I just wanted to examine other courses in life."

"Yes. I see that. But did you ever consider that maybe the examination would have its toll on Xena. You were choosing courses that would take you farther away from Xena - opposite ends in fact."

"Have you heard that opposites attract Aphrodite?" Gabrielle said trying to defend her actions.

"Yes, and it’s true. . . but opposites don’t make lasting relationships. The sparks are great at first but then it just kinda fizzles away. You can’t stay together if you’re walking down separate roads - that’s a fact. And by the time you ‘caught up’ to her . . . she was already gone. Not physically but emotionally. She couldn’t have you play a part in Eve’s life because what would happen if you changed your mind again. What if you decided that you wanted to go the bard academy or find a husband to settle down with or perhaps just go back home to the little hick town of yours for good. Xena couldn’t take that chance . . . And I don’t blame her."

"Whose side are you on here?" Gabby asked.

"Love’s side," Dite answered firmly without hesitation, ". . . I’m not on your side or her side. I’m on love’s side. And the only way love will survive for you or Xena is if you BOTH take the time to realize you weren’t completely honest with each other . . . perhaps even honest with yourselves . . . Once you find acceptance of the role you’ve played will you find love . . .be it with Xena or someone else. Ares top babe might not be the gal for you but you’ll never move forward until you acknowledge your part in all this . . . Take it one day at a time Gabrielle and you’ll survive."

Gabrielle took the wine skin from her pack and took a deep long swig. She turned to offer the goddess a drink but she had vanished. Gabrielle looked around the perimeter of the camp but Aphrodite was gone.

Maybe she’s right, Gabrielle considered as she laid down on the bedroll looking up at the stars. How many times did Xena and I star gaze together? . . . It’s not the same without her. But then again when’s the last time we did take time to do this? The amazons . . .I tried to touch her arm that night and she moved away. Like she’s been moving away for months. Damn her! Truth is I’ve been without her for months but it’s only now that I’ve left . . . Go to sleep Gabrielle. Don’t do this to yourself. Just wake up. And move on tomorrow. One day at a time.

STRIFE

"Ouch! Hold on! Hold on!"

Xena and Eve dropped their offensive stance and lowered their swords. They both looked at each other and rolled their eyes as the former war god called a truce for the third time in their sparring session that morning.

"Another pebble in your boot?" Eve taunted to Ares. What a wimp.

"It wasn’t a pebble. It was a rock - a very big, pointy rock," Ares whined.

Two weeks had gone by since Gabrielle’s departure. Many nights Xena felt the overwhelming urge to start out to look for her but she always fought the temptation. It was best if she just left well enough alone for now. She had to get herself in order before she went searching. She had to prove to Gabrielle that things would indeed be different. At this point she couldn’t make that promise. Too much had happened.

But the more she was around Ares the more tempted she was to find Gabrielle. The bard had a way of cooling her temper when she needed it most. Besides, to see Ares at his worst would certainly bring a smile to Gabrielle’s face. The former god was always finding some ‘ailment’ during their drills, which broke the flow of the practice sessions and it was annoying Xena to no end.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Xena sighed. "You realize that your opponent is NOT going to let you call ‘time-out’ during a battle don’t you?" Xena warned. "You’ve got to stay fit if you’re going to survive."

"Yeah I know," Ares replied defensively, "but look at my hands would ya? I’m getting bumps," he added outstretching his palms.

Xena inspected them and tried to hold back her smirk. She and Eve looked at each other and then back to Ares.

"It’s more serious than I thought," Xena replied as straight faced as possible.

"What?! What is it?!" Ares asked looking at his hands in terror.

"You’re getting . . . calluses!"

Eve couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. She would have loved making Ares think his condition was terminal but she just couldn’t pull it off. The harder Eve laughed the more anger Ares became. And the angrier Ares became the more Eve laughed. Ares raised his sword to strike the laughing young woman but Xena put a stop to it with a quick grab to his wrist.

"Oh no you don’t," Xena warned. "Go to the saddlebag and get some ointment and bandages. That will help. Go on," Xena pointed.

Ares gave Eve a menacing glance on the way past her. But Ares was finding he couldn’t intimidate Eve any more than he could intimidate Xena.

Once Ares was out of earshot Eve asked, "What are we going to do with him? We can’t keep traveling like this."

"I’m not sure," Xena replied. So far it’s worse than I expected. He whines. He moans. He’s interrupting every conversation. It’s worse than owning a pet.

"We need to do something," Eve replied.

"We could always make him a god again," Xena offered with a chuckle. Eve chewed on her lip in thought. "That was a joke," Xena added when she noticed Eve was giving the idea serious consideration.

"I know you meant it as a joke but think about it. We-."

"I don’t want to think about it. The answer is no. He’ll do more harm than good."

She’s right Eve considered. Having the god of war back would only make more trouble. But then again . . .

"What if we just made him immoral?" Eve suggested. "He wouldn’t get older. He wouldn’t get hurt and he wouldn’t have to travel around with us anymore."

Hmm, that’s not a bad idea. It would certainly get him out of our hair and we wouldn’t have to worry about him using any ‘godly’ powers against us someday. Besides with Ares out of the picture I can finally get back to focusing on things that matter, like getting to know Eve . . . and if I’m lucky . . . finding Gabrielle.

"So what do you say?" Eve asked interrupting Xena’s thoughts.

"Okay," Xena began, "I’ve got a friend that might be able to help . . . if he’s still alive that is."

"Who?"

"Hercules."

"Hercules? THE Hercules?!"

Xena grinned. Umm . . .Guess she’s heard of him. "Yep, that’s the one. In fact you might not be here if not for him. He battled Zeus while your mom helped me give birth to you."

"Is that how Zeus died?" Eve asked as her eyes widened. I’d heard the stories about it but I never knew that ‘I’ was the child he fought to protect.

"Unfortunately yes," Xena sighed. "It was very hard for Hercules but he knew he made the right choice. After it was over he took Gabrielle to the side and told her to protect her family and if she ever need him he’d give her a hand . . . He was a really good friend . . . In fact he tried repeatedly to reason with Zeus but he couldn’t get through to him. And in the end it cost Zeus his life."

"Self fulfilling prophecy," Eve muttered as she thought about the story Xena told.

"Yep. It’s ironic that Ares was the only god who saw it as such. Even Athena in all her wisdom was near sighted to that fact . . . Anyway, should we find ‘the big guy’ as some folks call him?"

Eve chuckled, the big guy. Her attention was turned however to Ares who was cursing because he couldn’t get the bandage on the right way. She shook her head vigorously, "By all means yes. I’m not sure how much more of this I can stand," she answered pointing to Ares, who at this point was fighting to get the lid back on the ointment tin.

"We," Xena corrected. "How much more of this WE can stand." After a few moments of watching him struggle Xena sighed. "Go give him a hand would ya?"

"Okay but next time it’s your turn," Eve winked and then she jogged over to the ex-god.

As Xena watched Eve with Ares, the warrior smiled. Too bad you didn’t stick around to see this Gabrielle. Ares struggling with being ‘average’ . . . up close and personal. Xena took a deep sigh. I don’t miss you until I’m alone like this. Hell I’m not even ALONE right now and I miss you. Someday, someway we’ll get back on track. One way or another I promise. Right now I just hope you’re safe and warm and well fed . . . Then again when are you NOT hungry. Xena chuckled out loud drawing Eve’s attention, whom had already walked back to be at her side.

"What is it?" Eve asked. "Still chuckling at Ares?"

"Huh?" Xena said slightly startled. "Oh no . . . I was just thinking about your mom . . . Did I tell you the nutbread story?"

Eve grinned as they began to walk down the road with Ares several yards in front of them now. She liked the stories her mother told about Gabrielle, or her mom, as she was now being referred to her. The longer more formal title had been given to Xena. The shorter, more playful term had gone to Gabrielle. Instead of being upset by Eve’s idea of how to tell them apart, the warrior shinned like a lantern at Eve’s suggestion. "No you haven’t," Eve replied, hoping it would prompt her mother into another tale.

"Well it wasn’t long after our Titan trouble I had told you about," Xena began. "A father was going to sacrifice his son to the one god."

"Eli’s god?" Eve asked to clarify. Xena nodded.

"Turns out that it wasn’t the one god that was doing the ‘commanding’ but his older son, who was jealous. Anyway I told Gabrielle to stay with the young boy while I went to see his mother, just to get some inside information on the situation. When I got back to the cave they were hiding in, I found Gabrielle face down and not moving."

"What happened?" Eve asked. This is getting good.

"Well it seems the brother had been poisoning the family. Gabrielle ate all the boy’s nutbread which had been tainted with henbane. Anyway," Xena smiled, "Gabrielle ate it all. Every last crumb and she was so stoned," Xena chuckled. "That was the first day she told me I was beautiful. As much as I would have like to believe it at that point I couldn’t. Especially after she started talking to the cave rocks . . . and they started talking back . . . At least that’s what SHE believed."

Eve erupted into a fit of giggles, "Was she okay? I mean I know she survived and all."

"Oh yeah. You’re mom is pretty damn tough. The headache she got afterward however rivaled an ale hangover but she still came through when the going got rough," Xena chuckled. "She was so young then," Xena reflected. "But she was still the most gorgeous creature - inside and out - I’d ever seen . . . Somewhere along the way I lost sight of telling her just how much she meant . . . And it costs me," Xena said despondently.

"Perhaps things will change someday and you’ll get the chance again," Eve offered optimistically.

"Perhaps," Xena grinned.

Thet walked down the road in a bit of silence until Eve spoke again. "So how did you and Gabrielle finally . . . get together?"

"Get together?" Xena teased, knowing full aware of what Eve was hinting at.

"Yeah," Eve blushed. "You know what I mean."

"It was after I died the first time," Xena replied non-chalantly. "I’ve been dead a few times but I seem to keep coming back," she added with a grin as she explained. "We had just gone on an ambrosia quest with a crazy, power hungry amazon after us who wanted your mom’s throne. We succeeded, of course, and after I came back we just ‘hooked up’."

"You just ‘hooked up’," Eve mocked teasingly. "Just like that?"

Xena paused a moment, "Yeah, just like that."

"Hmm. . ."

"Hmm what?" Xena asked.

"I don’t know but it seems kinda . . . boring. I mean after all the adventures and stories I’ve heard I figured your coupling would be more ‘exciting’." Xena laughed heartily at Eve’s appraisal of how she and the bard became lovers. "What?" Eve asked, not quite sure of what caused the outburst from her mother.

"Trust me Eve. That night was anything but boring," Xena informed her with a chuckle still firm in her voice. "Besides, I already knew what was in Gabrielle’s heart. When I was dead I could hear her thoughts. In fact she’s the reason I fought so hard to come back. Yes the world needed me around to help those that couldn’t help themselves but in truth the main reason was your mom. I couldn’t leave her yet . . . not with so many things left unsaid and unfinished. I think that’s why I’m having such a hard time now . . . it still feels ‘unfinished’ . . . I’m not sure if you understand."

Eve didn’t have a chance to reply. Ares came running back up the road toward them. "We’ve got trouble ahead," he said winded, pointing behind from where he came. Six snarling highwaymen stood before them looking anything but friendly.

"So we do," Xena smirked as she unsheathed her sword. Eve in turn did the same. "I love trouble," she grinned menacingly at the men as she proceeded forward. "Can we help you?" she asked the men.

"You can start by emptying your purses," the apparent leader of the gang answered.

Xena sighed. "Look fellas, I haven’t been in the best of moods lately. I’m trying to reunite with my daughter I haven’t seen in many, many moons while listening to a crybaby 24 hours a day. Add to the fact that my bard of five years recently left me. What does this mean to you gentleman? It means you’re in for the WORST ass kicking of your life if you don’t step aside now. So what’s it going to be?"

A collective and sarcastic ‘Oooooo’ noise went around the small circle.

Okay. That’s it!

Xena resheathed her sword and ran into the group of men with a thunderous charge. She could end this fight in a matter of seconds with the blade but there wasn’t a real sense of satisfaction in that in the moment. She wanted to feel her anger expressed . . . repeatedly . . . flesh against flesh. Besides death was too easy. Perhaps after today these men would learn a lesson and they could find another occupation less hazardous and more human friendly.

She head butted the closest man to her and he fell limp instantly. The next got a right hook that sent him into the fellow behind him. The next one charged at Xena and she gripped him by his sword wrist, snapping it with such force it looked as if his hand would fall completely off at any moment. Two others charged her from the left and right. When each was close enough she grabbed each by the back of the head, slamming their faces together until they too, like their comrades, were sobbing masses on the dusty trail.

"Boy do I still love to see her work," Ares whispered to Eve.

The only one left standing was the leader who was now left quaking in his boots; boots that Xena was sure probably were stolen. She motioned him toward her. "Come on pal," she taunted, "Let’s see what you got."

For a second it looks like he actually considered taking her up on the offer. But common sense prevailed and he chose flight instead of fight. As he took off away from the group, Xena reached for her chakram and sent it hurling at the man. Eve took an unsteady breath. She couldn’t believe her mother would kill an unarmed man as he ran away. The tried to move faster but he realized he was going to be struck.

And struck he was . . . in the belt.

Promptly his pants fell to his ankle and he tried to pull them back up and run at the same time. With a mighty whoosh the weapon returned to Xena and she secured it on her hip as she walked back and gathered Argo’s reins. Eve gave a sigh of relief. Her mother upheld the warrior code by not killing a fleeing man.

"All clear," Xena replied in a chipper voice. "After you," she said with a wave of her hand to her traveling companions. Ares and Eve stepped around the men who were moaning on the ground. As one tried to get his legs back, Xena gave him a boot to the butt that sent him head first into the road again. "I hope the next group’s a bit tougher. That was barely a workout," she told her travel party with a wink.