Adventures in the Sin Trade Part I and II

Xena is pi**ed! She's ripping up the trail looking for Hades.

She finds him and tells him to take her to Gabrielle. Hades said she hadn't

been by but she could visit Solon if she likes. Xena refuses, saying it's

Gabrielle she has to know about. They put two and two together and realize

that Gabby must be in the Land of the Dead for Amazons. Hades can't give

her directions but, like always, Xena knows how to get there. Xena ditches

Argo for some other mare (I kept waiting for Ares to show up and offer Argo

the chance . . .oh never mind. . .that's been done before. Although that

hasn't stopped TPTB from beating a dead horse before - no pun intended



Anyway, Xena goes a huntin' and kills her an Elk (you gotta say

that with a southern twang<G>). She hoists it over her shoulder and carries

it to a cave. (She pretty good at it too. Must be from all those times she

carried Gabby to the bedrolls, laid her down and made . . .I'm sorry. I was

thinking of a BL Miller story<VBG>. ) Okay, Xena's got this dead animal so

she makes a new wardrobe outta him (bold choice by the way - wearing Elk

instead of Cow - but the color is all wrong. It's tan and it doesn't bring

out her eyes as much as the black leather. . .ahhh leather. . .oh gods I'm

starting to sound like Ares. Somebody slap me. Ouch!!. . .That's better.

Where was I . . .Oh yeah the dead Elk) Around this time Xena starts flipping

out - she's hearing Gabby call for her, she's wearing this dead animals coat,

she's beginning to smear it's blood on her face and starts to do this funky

dance. If I were on acid I'm sure I'd love this. Kinda like Pink Floyd's

The Wall - I might actually understand it if I'm high. But I'm not a druggie

so I'll just have to think it's TPTB's way of showing Xena flipping out.


Either that or Rob's been hittin' the wacky weed and Lucy really better put

him on a shorter leash. Anyway, Xena doesn't really flip out because she

REALIZES she's flipping out. If someone is truly flipping out everyone else

knows it but them. But from my non-professional psychology background - Xena

still has one foot in reality. She just misses Gabby really, really bad.~sniffle~

Did you get all that? In my non-expert opinion Xena is not clinically insane

(yet<G>). Now lets move on shall we?<G> During Xena's breakdown she remembers

bumping and grinding with Borias. He tells her he loves her. She basically

doesn't give a s**t. Ya know the usual. <BG> 


Suddenly a woman comes in with a young girl and tells them she will help them take on the amazons because

she got kicked out for being different. She's some kind of oracle, soothsayer,

etc. and she announces to the room that Xena is pregnant. I personally think

she got kicked out because she wears too much eyeliner<giggle>. Well she

does! Wait until you get a look at her. La Mao she is not. She does, however,

have this cute little amazon she touches seductively and hypnotizes. That

was pretty cool. You can certainly see who the butch is in that

relationship<LOL>. You may also notice that the young woman with the old

witch looks like Gab's a little. Her attire and face to a certain extent.

But that's irrelevant. And it may not even be true. Maybe I just want my

Gabby back so much that I'm seeing her in other women. I love Gabrielle.

Have I mentioned that? <G> We flash-forward now to the present and Xena sees

a young amazon who's impaled on a tree. She fights some of Alti's bad guys

(because it's Xena and there has to be more than one fight scene per ep)

and cuts down the young woman. Some other little 'amazonettes' watch and

consider Xena a friend. One girl recognizes Xena's wail as she stands by

the dead girls pyre, she's built. There's a very touching tribute to Xena

and Gabby's relationship with great dialog. Xena moans and cries and carries

on and on as she thinks of Gabby. The little amazon tells the story of how

Xena was going to kill her but Borias stopped her. 


Later Alti tries to seductively convince Xena to kill the girl (watch the way they stand and

Alti's movements<wink,wink>). She tells Xena that the girl will take her

power someday. Xena steps towards her but can't bring herself to do it. Borias

comes in and puts a stop to it. But the amazon girl said she didn't think

Xena would have killed her even if Borias hadn't showed up. About this time,

Xena kills 'the horse she rode in on' - literally. And she begins to drink

its blood. This is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen on X:WP. Xena's

spirit then leaves her body and the amazonettes take her to a cave for safety.

Somewhere in here, Alti tells Xena that LaMao's version of 'the truth' was

wrong. And she promises to make Xena 'The Destroyer of Nations', if she helps

her in her quest for this special power she seeks. Xena likes that idea a

lot because she's got that wicked grin that could turn anyone to butter<G>.


Finally Xena meets her goal - she's in the Land of the Dead, though not actually

dead. The young girl she held the pyre for thanks Xena for committing her

body to the flames and asks why Xena is joining her. She tells the woman

she's looking for a friend and once more someone points out that Gabby must

be one 'special friend' if she's going to these links to see her (first time

was Blind Faith BTW, which I will eventually do a report on.). Xena sees

the former Queen of the Siberian Amazons but it's not a very happy reunion.

Turns out the Siberians can't go to 'Eternity' but the other amazons (i.e.

Gabby) can. The queen tells Xena if she want to find 'HER precious Gabby'

she has to climb inside a volcano to get into Eternity. Xena starts to walk

to the volcano but she hears Gabby's voice and stops. Now either she decides

that the climb is just too damn much <G> or she has to right a wrong she

did long ago that hurt the Siberian Amazons. She tells Gabby: "You were my

light. . .I realize what it was you gave me - a light of my own. There's

something I gotta do. Something you'd want me to do. . .I love you." Finally!


An I love you that means something! It wasn't spoken in fear. It wasn't spoken

for forgiveness. It was genuine. And although Gabby couldn't reply, it was

beautiful. Xena now wakes up from her trip to the Dead Land and finds one

of Alti's men tied up. The amazonettes said they were going to kill him but

they give Xena the honor. Xena cuts the man free and tell him to warn Alti

that she's coming. Alti, since she's got that wonder sense, tells the man

when he gets to camp that she already knew of Xena's approach. She sends

out 'the Beserker' after Xena. The amazonettes engage in battle as they approach

Alti's compound, and the Beserker goes after Xena. The Warrior can sense

all of Xena's past hardships of physical pain and make her relive them including

Caesar's attack on her legs. She eventually wins (of course) but her legs

don't feel any better. When the mare, which he was riding, looks at Xena,

they all watch Alti's spirit leave the animal. Xena's legs return to normal

but she knows it's going to be a tough battle ahead. The amazonettes ask

if they'll win and Xena says they must. 


To be continued. . . But as for next week we get to see the naked amazon queen strip Xena of her clothing. They

both wear black thongs BTW (hubba,hubba!<LOL>) And as for the disclaimer

- No Dead Amazons lost their lives in the production of this motion picture.


Sin Trade II

Okay Xena has got Otere (the little leader of the amazonettes)

naked in a steam house<VBG> They are 'purging' each other's minds and bodies

for the upcoming battle with Alti (much like the Gabby/Calli scene in TBS).

After the 'purging' Xena tells the story of how she tried to kill Cyane (former

amazon queen) but she bests Xena by stealing her clothes. This woman is one

fast dresser and words don't do the scene justice. At this point in her life

I don't think Xena's used to being undressed by a woman.<BG> or at least

not that quickly.(VBG). Gabby probably takes her time, soaking up Xena's

features, difficulty searching for a starting place. . .but again that's

my theory(G).


Anyway, where was I . . .oh yeah Cyane. Okay, she chases Xena down and is

ready to kill her but Borias saves Xena's a*s again. After Xena ends her

little flashback, she tells Otere that she can't make up for the past but

she wants to help the girls future because of what Gabby taught her. A tiny

tear runs down her cheek. I look at it as one) her sorrow for hurting the

amazons and two) she misses gabby and three) she happy that Gabby showed

her a better way of life. . .but once more. . .that's just my theory.


Later that night the amazons do a funky dance (they're always dancing aren't

they?) and they try to free their spirits from their body but Alti best Xena

to the punch and puts some evil spirits into the young amazonettes. They

try to beat up Xena but she fights them off and tells the girls to fight

them away. The 'real' girls come back and the next time they set up a 'ring

of protection' from Alti. She manages to enter however as a spider. It crawls

on Xena's face and morphs into Gabby, reaching lovingly for Xena. I just

love the way Xena says Gabby's name but the 'good times' don't last long

when it turns into Alti. She begins to choke Xena and ask who the 'blonde'

is. She's very 'jealous' if you ask me(G). Kinda like a Gabby/LaMao thing

goin' on.


Xena tells Alti that's her lover. . .nono. . .just kidding(G). .. she tells

her Gabby is light and innocence and what's what Alti fears because that's

what can defeat her. She promptly passes out as Alti leaves and the amazonettes

find themselves dragging the unconscious Xena behind a horse. When Xena wakes

up they travel to the 'Resting Place' and she tells the story of how Alti

cursed her child to never know his parents and how she made Alti so strong.

She knocked off Cyane and the amazons so Alti could steal their spirits,

not letting them into eternity and giving her the evil power she needs.


As she finishes she feels Alti approach and puts the pinch on everyone. All

their spirits jump into Xena's spirit and Alti and she do battle. Alti tries

to defeat Xena by showing her her future. Xena sees what looks like a Persian

kicking her down some stairs. She sees some Romans while she's in a burning

village. During the 'spirit' battle Xena gets a few good licks in(G) but

it isn't enough and Alti decides to kill Xena by showing her death. (Now,

not that I'm complaining(G) but I see a plot hole. If Alti knows how Xena

dies then why is she fighting Xena. She should know she can't win because

Xena lives to see another day right? Anyway. . .)


The last scene of Xena's future was probably the one of the best in the series

history. I liked it so much I had to write a fan fiction story called 'The

End' because of it. Enough with the shameless plug(G). Back to my point.

. .)We see Xena start to lay down but it's a reflection in a roman shield.

We watch the Romans tie down a woman and Xena as well when Xena calls over

it's Gabrielle. Gabby turns, short hair and all (She looks like Meg Ryan

- No lie!!(LOL)) and Gabrielle says 'I love you Xena'. With that they begin

to NAIL them to the cross. That's a subtext point all in it's own because

they are 'do-gooders' who get nailed to a cross. Does that sound like anyone

else in world history?(VBG). Anyway, it was a beautiful Xena scene.


Alti asks if she likes to see what has happened to her and her friend and

Xena says yes. Alti can't quite understand and Xena says that if Gabby's

there at her death then that means she's alive now. With that knowledge Xena

turns it up. She ain't gonna let this woman kill her if her bard is still

out there somewhere. Naha. No way. And with that Xena kicks the heck outta

Alti (literally) and impales her on a tree.


Xena's spirit and the amazonette's spirits return. Xena gives Otere her

leadership of the amazons fulfilling the 'power prophecy'. Otere asked her

to stay but Xena says she has to go. 'She's alive' she says showing her crucified

hands and soon she's galloping back to Greece for her bard.


Spoiler of next week have X and G meeting in town and a monster that's something

between the Swamp Thing and the Creature of the Black Lagoon is wrecking

havoc on the reunion. Warning: Joxer IS in this ep(VBG)


Back to Subtext Reports Page